Q: WHAT THE HELL IS "THE ONE TRUE DEAD ANGEL" ANYWAY?
A: DEAD ANGEL is one of the internet's longest continuously-running music ezines. The debut issue appeared in June, 1994. Over the next decade, 65 issues appeared before the original format was retired and the website extensively retooled. The ezine has been published and edited all this time by RKF, with assistance from various people along the way. The current staff list can be found in each new issue.
Q: WHY DOES EVERYTHING LOOK DIFFERENT NOW?
A: Lots of reasons, but mostly boredom and a deep, pressing need to see everything revamped to fit a consistent format. DEAD ANGEL evolved greatly over the years, and issues were frequently hurled up onto the website with less-than-stellar proofreading, editing, etc. Many of the issues were in dire need of re-coding, and so on. Not to mention that everything had become mammoth, swollen, out of control, etc., etc. The site is currently being redesigned to present the best material of the earlier issues -- the v.1.0 edition, if you like -- in a more readily-accessible archival format. The vague masterplan now is to put out six issues every two months and archive the reviews and interviews once a year to keep the site from being cluttered with numerous issues.
Q: WHY ARE THERE NO GRAPHICS IN THE ARCHIVES EXCEPT FOR YOUR SHITTY-ASS HEADERS?
A: The original version of the ezine was, for the most part, strictly text-only. Part of the redesign was to accommodate adding graphics to the current issues without using enormous amounts of space on the website. Storage space costs $$$, you know, and it's not like anybody's getting rich futzing with the monosite.
Q: WHO THE HELL IS RKF?
A: RKF is the current and eternal guitarist for Korperschwache, former guitarist for Autodidact, intermittent artist and graphic designer, former owner of the music label Monotremata Records, and sometime recording engineer for various swell Austin bands. Rumors that he is a surly, caustic asshole and possibly the antichrist cannot be confirmed at this time.
Q: DOES RKF LIKE PORN?
A: Why yes, he does. Feel free to send him some at the address listed at the end of this FAQ. Feel free to send $$$ too, if you have some you don't need. Big-breasted women in bondage gear are good too, but you'll want to cut airholes in the box, okay?
Q: WHAT KIND OF STUFF DOES DEAD ANGEL REVIEW?
A: Music, books, movies, whatever. The staff isn't real keen on nu-metal or much of the current state of rap and country music (we're old-school, dawg), but everything else is pretty much fair game. Basically, the weirder and more obscure it is, the more likely we are to dig it, especially RKF, who does the vast bulk of the reviews anyway. Heaviness doesn't hurt either. RKF would really like to see more metal, especially black metal, in future issues; he finds it blackly humorous that a metalhead who spent his high school years playing air guitar to Judas Priest and AC/DC, not to mention a lot of really bad death / speed metal bands you never heard of, is now one of the nation's most frequent reviewers of free jazz and improvisational music.
Q: WILL YOU REVIEW MY STUFF EVEN IF I'M UNSIGNED / HAVE ONLY A CD-R OR CASSETTE / HAVE ONLY A DEMO / HAVE ONLY A FLIMSY ACETATE / HAVE ONLY THE VAGUEST IDEA WHAT I'M DOING?
A: Sure, although if you're truly lost, doom childe, you may want to peek at the submission hints further down before sending anything in. DEAD ANGEL has a near-ironclad policy of reviewing everything that's sent to us. (Sometimes it takes us an issue or two to get to it because we're vaguely disorganized people who lead chaotic lives and, in some cases, perhaps consume too many drugs, but it will get reviewed, trust us. Unless we lose it or break it or it won't play or looks like it might cause a "safety accident" if it's opened.) We don't care if you're unsigned, solo, just starting, have put out seventeen quintillion albums that all went platinum, whatever. The only thing we care about is the listening and the watching parts; everything else is largely irrelevant to us, or at least as far as determining whether or not something is "good" or not. (We're also not all that interested in determining whether things are "good" or "bad," since those are pretty subjective terms anyway; our bag is in describing what's there in as neutral a manner as possible and letting others decide if it's their thing or not.)
Q: I AM TOO BORED / LAZY / HOSTILE TO READ FURTHER; TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SUBMISSION GUIDELINES NOW OR I WILL KILL YOU.
A: No sweat. Here's a few tips on submitting stuff that will make our lives easier (and make it easier to review your stuff properly):
1. Promotional sheets are a good thing. Sure, we'll probably lose the poop sheet because we're disorganized clods, but then it will be our fault and we'll admit it. If you don't have such a thing it's not a big deal, but if you do, by all means include it -- additional knowledge about the band, past recordings, etc. can be helpful. It doesn't have to be fancy, or expensive, or anything except informative.
2. Include as much of the packaging as possible. Yes, we know it's currently all the rage to send "promotional cds" that are basically the disc plus just the booklet (or sometimes just the booklet and tray card with the disc, all in a plastic slipcase), and we're sure that's cheaper and all, but if it's not in a cd case the chances are real good that it's going to get lost or damaged floating around the Death Anvil. If we don't have the booklet, we can't run the cover with the review. If we don't have anything but the disc, then it becomes an extremely mysterious artifact and who knows what kind of spurious bullshit we'll make up because we don't know any better? THIS IS ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT IF YOU HAVE A CD OR VINYL PRODUCT WITH NO INFORMATION ON IT! We have literally dozens of cds floating around for every issue, and nothing is more annoying than looking at a nifty cd with no info on it and trying to figure out who and what the hell it is. (It's even more true of cd-rs, which tend to all look alike. Public Eyesore can get away with this because they are gods, but not you.) Not to mention that if we have only the cd, it's real hard to figure out what the titles are while the cd is playing and we're trying to do the review. RKF in particular is really cranky about this, so... keep it in mind, okay?
3. Try to pack things so the postal maggots won't destroy them. We know it's difficult and sometimes they destroy your goodies anyway, but you get bonus points for trying. This is true: RKF once received a package containing the Isabella / Government Alpha cd. When he opened the package, out spilled an avalanche of shattered plastic, along with the cd and booklet. The case was completely, totally, utterly destroyed and pulverized into a thousand tiny little bits of plastic. (Amazingly enough, the cd was not harmed.) In every single issue, we review cds whose cases have been shattered in the mail, and every single issue, some of those sharp little shards end up in the carpet, where they eventually find their way into RKF's foot, which is usually followed by a lot of profanity. Do we find this annoying? We find it very annoying. We know that it's difficult to prevent the postal maggots from destroying things, but bubble wrap and padded mailers help.
4. We don't have a problem with reviewing cd-rs, but if you're going to send them, they definitely need to be in a case or something to keep them from getting scratched up. RKF's severely-abused stereo does not always read discs that have been scuffed up, particularly cd-rs, and cd-rs are real easy to damage and subject to all sorts of wonkiness anyway in the burning Tejas heat. Labeling them is a real good idea too (see # 2).
5. There is a rumor going around the Death Anvil that it is possible to appeal to RKF's baser nature by including dirty pictures of dominatrixes, big-breasted women, women in fetish wear, or all of the above, with your reviewables. Since few people have actually tried this yet, it's difficult to assess if this rumor is, in fact, diabolically true. There's one way to find out, of course. Not that we would ever want to suggest such a rude, rude thing, naturally. (We would like to note that MSNP, the cassette label responsible for releases by Macronympha and Taint, used to send reams of cheap and sleazy Japanese bondage porn with their releases, and we miss that extra helping of luv and appreciation.)
Q: WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE JOHN GAVANTI BULLSHIT?
A: An in-joke that got way out of hand. We're currently blaming this one on Todd the Black Metal Drummer, who is tragically AWOL, making him a most convenient scapegoat.
Q: WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE CONSTANT REFERENCES TO BIG-BONED DOMINATRIXES / DRUGS / BLACK METAL / GOATS / OTHER ICKY STUFF?
A: RKF is a pervert.
Q: YOU'RE QUITE CRANKY. ARE YOU ON MEDICATION?
A: No, RKF believes that witch doctors, even the ones with degrees, are useful only as charcoal briquettes. FLAME ON!
Q: WHAT'S THE GREATEST ALBUM EVER RELEASED?
A: Angel'in Heavy Syrup's first album, of course. Copies are still available on Subterranean, if you're interested.
Q: WHAT'S THE SECOND GREATEST ALBUM EVER RELEASED?
A: A toss-up between Burzum's HVIS LYSET TAR OSS and the Manes classic UNDER EIN BLODRAUD MAANE.
Q: ARE YOU A SATAN WORSHIPPER?
A: Fuck no. RKF worships Sun Ra, the Atomic Black Jesus. Everybody else is just a pretender to the throne. The rest of the staff are all probably good God-fearing Christian souls, or something close to it. Well, maybe not all of them.
Q: THEN WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH ALL THE UPSIDE-DOWN CROSSES?
A: RKF really likes upside-down crosses. It's a black metal thing, you wouldn't understand.
Q: ALL RIGHT, WHERE CAN I SEND MY LISTENABLES / WATCHABLES / READABLES / PORN VIDEOS / NAKED PICTURES OF BIG-BREASTED DOMINATRIXES IN FETISH GEAR WEARING UPSIDE-DOWN CROSSES?
A: The current postal address for the Death Anvil is:
P.O. Box 2434
Austin, TX 78768